Transportation

THIS WAS PUBLISHED ON ANOTHER SITE,  BUT I FELT IT FIT THE CRITERIA FOR THIS SITE AS WELL.


I was in the City on Friday, down on Water Street, and I needed to go to 1st Avenue in the 20s to catch a ride home. So I decided to take a bus that would go up the east side, since the trains involve a lot of cross town action.

As I approached the bus stop, I saw ahead of me a bus in the travel lane parallel to the bus stop. ( It didn't look as if the bus had stopped there). However, this did not really compute in my brain until later. I figured I would catch the next bus. So I was waiting by the stop when a bus again pulls up to the light in the travel lane. I call out to the driver and ask why he isn't stopping and opening the doors, he shouts back ( without opening the door) that he is an express bus. So I ask him where the stop is for the express bus, and he indicates that it is further up. Mind you, this is all shouted through a closed door and window, without a doubt heard by all the people in the bus enjoying this drama.

So as the light turns green and the bus pulls away from the light, I take off, all short and fat of me, to run as many blocks as it might take to catch this bus, since the idea of an express appeals to me, as my ride would be ready to leave within a half hour. So I run the first block, and I see that the bus pulls in to the following block. I try valiantly to increase my speed, but it is a losing proposition ( see: short and fat above). However, the bus is still there when I stagger up to it, so I hop in the back, as I have no more strength to make it to the front door, and continue my stagger to the front to pay.

I then realize, to my great consternation, that this is one of the new express buses where you pay outside, similar to  a subway. The idea is great, in that people just get on and off, and there is no delay for the passengers to pay the driver. However, this does not work so well for me, as I have just jumped on the bus. 

So I ask the driver, oh, I have to pay outside on this one, and I jump off the bus, and look stupidly at the three machines there, in my extreme haste to (1) not have the driver leave me there, and (2) not unduly hold up the bus for all the passengers already on the bus who actually know how to use the new system.
However, as I am both out of breath and discombobulated, I just look at the machine. The driver then shouts to me to come back, I run back to the door, and he tells me push the button on the blue. That is all I hear as I charge back to the machines, since the third one is kind of blue. However, that is (probably) for credit card transactions as is it a different machine than the other two.

So now the driver has just about had it, and he shouts once again at me to come back. I zip back, and he tells me "Go to the first machine, push the button in the middle of the BLUE panel, put your metrocard in on the RIGHT, and take your receipt on the LEFT, don't worry, I'll wait for you." (He really was a nice a patient transit employee.) So reassured and properly directed, I ran again to the machine, pushed the button, slammed my card in the slot on the right, hopped a bit waiting for the receipt ( Three seconds, maybe?) and grabbed my card and the receipt, and dashed back on to the bus.

To the thunderous applause of all the passengers.

Who I then had to walk through, to get a seat in the back, nodding and bowing, thanking them and apologizing.

When I finally sat down, some kind soul, trying to be nice, told me not to worry, but managed to make it even worse by telling me that he watched and listened to the whole event for two blocks ( I assume that included the original shouting through the door) and saw me running, and really didn't think I would make it.

Next time, I think I'll drive.

Yankees 5 ( 4 was called Dark)

I really love Yankee day games. This way I wrote down what happens before I forget like I would with a night game.

It has finally happened,

The long, extended home run call for a single.

Batter hits a hard line drive to right, "IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS...... off the scoreboard, and the batter rounds first and holds on."

On the MLB site, they called it a line drive, so it wasn't even high.

One out of three aint bad, I guess.

In a sick, perverse way, I  hope he NEVER retires

Dark

Listening to the Yankee game. This time, it was the sidekick, who commented " It's pouring, like it did last night, but it is lighter". To which the great one replied.

"because it was night last night, and now its day".

I wonder who is having an effect on who over there.

Hearing

I was in the car the other day, and I switched over to the CD. The sound was very low, so I raised the volume, but it was still too low, so I raised it again, and then yet again, clearly without really paying any attention to it.

Then the sound went completely off, so I raised the volume again.

My son in the car with me finally realized both what I was doing and what was about to happen at the same time, and shouted at me TURN IT DOWN!!!!

I started to, but not fast enough to prevent the BLAST from the beginning of the next song, as I was increasing the volume on the fade out of the previous song.

Yankees 3

Yankee day games = Doctor Dummkopf posts.

The fabulous student of the game who announces for the Yankees was obviously bored with the game today, so he and his cohort were going through all the pitchers who had over 1,000 appearances, while, incidentally letting the listener know occasionally that there was still a game going on.

The issue I have with this idiot is that he was constantly commenting in wonderment ( is that a word?) that the list does not have anyone from the 30's 40's and fifties, etc. He said this over and over and over again ( as is his modus operandi.) He also said this with great authority, without even qualifying the fact that pitchers used to actually PITCH a game, usually a whole game, sometimes two a day,  or that even as late as the 60's and 70's,  certain injuries ended your career, while advances in medicine now have allowed pitchers to continue to pitch.

I think he also failed to qualify that the pitchers on the list were mostly relievers, who by definition pitch less innings per outing, and that the use of relievers has grown exponentially  in the last forty or so years. i am not sure, because I was only listening somewhat at the start of the ridiculous side conversation, but knowing him, he probably didn't mention this little important fact.

His sidekick DID have the sense to say that some on the list were "specialists", pitchers who would come in to a game for just one batter. but she didn't say it as if "listen to yourself, stupid" more like "isn't it amazing that these less famous, workhorse pitchers lasted".

Oh no, Jeter is up, I guess now he will go through all the 3,000 hit  players.

Books

There was a discussion going on in my office about the Harry Potter series. Up pops Sir Annoyus " I like Curious George and the Berenstain Bears"

I am not sure he was kidding.

Lost

I am really starting to earn this title.

Yesterday after shul I went into the back yard to move some stuff under the deck so it wouldn't get wet. As it was already drizzling, I worked quickly, then ran inside.

This morning I was looking for my Tefillin. All things get put away Wednesday morning, so I looked first in the closet, then on the table, then a side table. No Tefillin. I thought maybe I left them is shul yesterday. So I went over to check, no Tefillin. I then went back home, checked all the chairs, back tot eh closet, all the while stomping around the house muttering.

I then remembered that I had gone to the backyard straight from shul yesterday, with dread, I went into the back yard. I saw my Tefillin where I had put them, on a ledge. I approached with great dread, as it had rained all day yesterday. expecting to pick up a soggy, very heavy bag.

However, the bag was light, and the contents were dry, protected by the deck and the plastic outside bag. I breathed a major sign of relief.

As the saying in Psalms goes, G-d protects the fools. Or Dummkopfs

Seats

maybe i was wrong, i would even admit that, but that does not excuse the thought process behind the behavior.

I went to the Met game last night. As usual, in the 8th inning, the bullpen threw the game away (literally and figuratively). So As I was sitting in the (empty) upper deck, and after a two run homer by the opposition made it a three run lead, I observed the mass exodus from my vantage point. I decided to give my son, who was with me, a different perspective of the game, and move down ONE LEVEL. We are not talking field box here, or trying to get into the dugout (maybe I could pinch hit, I couldn't do any worse than the players...) just lower altitude. So I went down to a section of about 150 seats with about 5 people in it, and sat down in the last row of the section, which was COMPLETELY EMPTY. Not a single person in the entire row of at least 30 seats.

Not a minute later, a staff member comes over and makes me leave. Tells me to go back to my seat. I mean, we are talking maybe 4,000 people left in the WHOLE STADIUM.

So not only do they suck, but their customer service sucks as well.

Yankees 2

He really did it, you can't make this up.

The Yankees hit two home runs today, bringing their season total to two.

I should start a new blog......

Yankees 1

I have taken the liberty of numbering this post because i suspect that there will be many more like it.

I was listening to opening day. Ont he second batter, a Yankee made a wonderful play. The announcer, who truly deserves the title of this blog, said " I have heard it said that the Grandyman can."

This is the announcers own stupid catchphrase basically any time a Yankee gets a hit , at this point. So now he is quoting his own hubris. Similar to one posting something on the net, and then quoting it as if he read it somewhere.

The inning went 1-2-3. I am surprised he didn't say that the Yankees have no hit the competition for the entire season to date.

Its gonna be a long summer.

Ouch

I am certainly not immune to belonging on these pages, but I am not sure it is me who should really wear the title here. nevertheless, I will take responsibility here.

Someone sent us a package with a fish theme. I didn't really bother to read the attached poem/instuctions. It was fish shaped cookies, jelly fish, etc, in one of those little serving boats. The bottom was lined in what I assumed was little chocolate rocks, that I have seen in the past and always like. So I took a small (thankfully) handful and popped them into my mouth.

It was gravel.

Name

Sir Annoyus was at it again this week. He pops in front of my office with someone who looks familiar, and that person gives me a nice help. I respond in kind, and all is right with the world, until SA asks me if I know the person. I responded in the affirmative, even though his name escaped me for a moment. The person also stated that I knew him.

This is not enough for our esteemed knight of nonsense, so he pushes the issue, " What's his name?" he asked, in all his glory.

Now, I have a hard time remembering the names of my children after spending a weekend with them, there is no way this name is going to pop into my head immediately, considering I haven't seen this gentleman in quite some time. However, when he stated his first name, the rest popped, including his name,. family, AND place of employment, clearly indicating a knowledge of this person, who seemed satisfied.

However, Sir Annoyus was annoyed that there wasn't great embarrassment and discomfort on all sides.

Lovely person.

Traffic

Big accident the other day in the Tunnel. 3 Buses and a bike. Traffic backed up for hours. So you might think that it would make sense for the City to have the other arterial roads as clear as possible, so that people who actually work in the City, make money in the City, pay taxes in the City, would not be inconvenienced any more than necessary.

Well, this is Mike Bloomberg's City. So the West Side Highway is all backed up because a lane is closed for repairs.

During rush hour.

Pins

I was in Shul this morning. I noticed that someone had put up a Mishenichnas Adar sign on the wall of the Main shul. Then I noticed that the sign had been put up with PUSH PINS. Directly into the walls! Who does such a thing? they have invented tape. I am sure the people who put of the sign have heard of it, perhaps even used it in the past. Why would someone put permanent holes in the walls of a shul that will be visible for the rest of the year once the sign is down? And push pin holes are not even reusable.

My gasted was and is completely flabbered.

Write

Sir Annoyus came strutting into my office, all proud of himself. Arrogantly asks me how long I have worked at the company. I just look at him. So he hands me a paper that someone had a question about, and had written the question at the top of the paper.  I continue to look at him. He tells me that the question is something I should certainly know. I look at the handwriting and then back at him.

Then, sheepishly, uh, that ISN'T your handwriting?

No.

Rude

There is something wrong with New York drivers. I used to think it was only New York City, but I have to include the whole state.

3 situations.

I am in the left lane. On my right is a turn only lane. There is a car in front of me and a bus on my right. The light turns green. The bus proceeds straight ahead. The car in front of me lets him go. I am thinking, "wow, a courteous driver". Then the truth is revealed as he MAKES A RIGHT TURN.

As I am still reeling from this, I turn onto a street where a car is parked in the right lane, and in the oncoming lane some dummkopf has decided to stop and chat with his friend across the street DIRECTLY OPPOSITE parked car, blocking the road. I sit quietly, as I was in an area where one DOES NOT honk, gesture or get out of the car. Eventually, this wonderful human being decides to move, and even gives ME a dirty look.

Then yesterday I am in Brooklyn. One way street. A cab is double parked. Another car decides that the BEST POSSIBLE PLACE to stop is RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, but double parking the other side of the street, effectively blocking the whole street. I actually put the car in park and got out to see what the deal was. Fortunately for me, before I could let the driver have it for being beyond rude, I saw an elderly woman getting out of the car.

I just got back in to my car, not wanting to seem uncaring and unfeeling, but couldn't help wondering why she couldn't have PULLED IN THE THE HOUSE DRIVEWAY to let the passenger out.

Boots

Sir Annoyus, who is quite the fashion plate and has glasses that cost more than the suit I wear (as well as everything else I have on), and who buys shoes ( shoes!) proudly announced that he does not own a pair of boots, and his feet have been wet all day. He went on to say that he was shoveling snow in his leather shoes and slipped, but STILL refuses to go out and get a pair.

'nuff said.

Slow

Its been a bit of a while, but people have been behaving around me, what can I say?

Until today.

Snow upstate as of 7 AM. roads are slick. I understand safe driving is important, and people are scared of the snow, but if you feel compelled to go 5 miles an hour an a cleared street GET THE HECK OF THE ROAD!!!

You should not be in a vehicle if you are unable to propel it faster than you can walk. If you truly feel that you cannot control it at a higher crawl, then you should have stayed home, or have someone drive you. I was behind an ALL WHEEL DRIVE minivan doing five miles an hour!

And don't give me any self righteous comments how it is safer, and SUV's drive crazy and too fast, blah blah blah, I KNOW that! This is the flip side. There is a safe speed to proceed at, but someone who either constantly slams on their brakes ( from five miles an hour) or goes at five is just as dangerous. Drivers behind them get unduly antsy, and they start to do things they shouldn't or get distracted. A super slow driver is more of a menace than one going at the limit. The slow driver will cause more accidents by others either not anticipating the creeper, or frustrated drivers trying to get away from someone who should just park the car.

Or move to Florida, where they will fit in.